Thoughts for Thursday:

My dad loved nature.  He had a deep appreciation for the subtle details while seeing the bigger picture. He always pointed out the subdued shades in sunsets, noted the fog resting peacefully amidst the tree tops on dewy mornings, and sought out new vista points and views.  Camera in hand to capture the moment, pen and paper in pocket to poetically pursue his thoughts, my dad was a slightly less refined and adventurous Thoreau (or so I glorify him to be).

During my young years I remember taking hikes into the nearby forests and nestling among ferns, gazing at trilliums, and hunting for salamanders under fallen Redwood logs.  Growing up, like most children, I lost interest and got annoyed every time he pulled over to gaze at the sunset or take us on another boring family drive into the country on Sunday afternoons when I'd rather be riding my bike or making mud pies with the neighborhood kids.  But now, that he's gone, I appreciate his love of nature. And this, even, an understatement of my feelings toward it all.

Lately, I've been doing a lot of trail hiking.  While being both beneficial to my physical and mental health, it brings me closer to earth.  I feel more grounded.  And, in a funny way, I feel closer to my dad.  And, lately, I've felt his spirit with me.  In the sunrises, the light filtering through the trees-he would have exclaimed over it.  The pussy-willows beginning to bloom and show first signs of spring-he would have poached a branch or two and put it in a vase in front of our big mirror in our dining room.  And the wild daffodils, shouting happiness with their perfect yellow hue-he used to leave bouquet upon bouquet for me and my sister to decorate our home.

Last week, I was on a hike at through the Arcata marsh.  The sun was warm and the wind was cool.  I felt my dad's spirit from the minute I set out on the trail.  The birds were dancing the most beautiful choreographed movements through the air over the pond and everyone stood in silence and awe.  My dad would have been one of the speculating fans, binoculars around his neck and camera in his hand.  I sat and let it all soak in.  The sun was glistening, sparkling like a million diamonds, over the bay.  Tears flooded my eyes as the warmth of his spirit flooded my soul. I have never felt more grounded to the earth yet so connected with the spirit world as I felt my dad next to me, appreciate nature and all its glory.

Rolling In The Deep

I friggin' love Adele. 
True talent. 
This song kicks ass.
Enjoy.

"...Throw your soul through every open door
Count your blessings to find what you look for
Turn my sorrow into treasured gold..."

skimming the surface

while i skim the surface of the deep waters i have been treading as of late, let me just preface this by saying i have never had a deeper appreciation for life since my trip to africa about 10 years ago. a lot has happened, even since my last blog.  so, i'll just pick up where i left off, and let what has happened slowly fuse itself back into my writing and unfold gracefully in this blogspace...or spot, as it is more commonly referred to. 

Heavy Heart

My heart is heavy.  Unbearably heavy.  Painfully heavy.  But, with this weight brings awareness to my heart.  I am conscious of it's presence and the weight that emotions bring to this vital organ. 
I regularly practice hot yoga.  It is my medicine, my therapy, my passion.  My yoga teachers always tell us, "Lead with your heart.  Your heart should be the highest point on your body."  Easier said than done, like most everything in yoga.  But this mantra has really encouraged me, challenged me, inspired me.  Again, like most everything in yoga, it can be applied outside of the hot room. 
I've been known my whole life to pretty much live with my heart on my sleeve.  Over the years, it's been down-played and criticized for being a weakness of mine.  This mindset has made me insecure about my natural, God-given, state of being and left me resisting my natural instinct to "lead with my heart". Our society makes us think that those who lead with their heart, who live a "heartfelt" state of being rather than a "head" state of being, are week, over emotional, and not strong.  We are taught to "buck up", to go head first, and think with our head not our heart.  While I know there is a time and place for using our wonderful, extraordinary, and brilliant brains, my point is that there is also a balance and importance in learning to also live through our hearts.  I often tell my 5 year old, who has also received my "gene" for living her heart on her sleeve, to "buck up buttercup"-I also want to teach her to "lead with her heart" and let her beautiful heart shine.s
I believe that there is undoubtedly a resonating strength and beauty to those that "lead with their heart".  While our heart, metaphorically speaking, is the most sensitive place where we hold all of our raw human emotions, and sensitive feelings, it is also literally the most important muscle in our body.  It is, after all, our life line as it pumps blood and oxygen from our toes to the crown of our head. I think that our life, our prana, our yoga practice, would all benefit if we learn to "lead with our heart" and "let our heart be the highest point on our bodies".
In my yoga practice, we are standing and bending and holding these intense, hard poses. The room is hot, our muscles are shaking, our breath is challenged.  One naturally tends to curl into these challenging positions and the heart disappears. But, if you "lead with your heart" in these positions and in your prana, your pose is the strongest, the most open, and in perfect form.
Let your heart shine.